dilettante

I like it because you created a safe space for people who had to pee and couldn't make it to a bathroom.
 

OK, I just wet myself right now.

I just thought of a weird and embarrassing peefessional, so I don't think that is sharable. I know someone that peed on their bloody hand while drunk (UC knows this person).

I know that delicious brisket makes your pee smell disgusting, but that the two things smell exactly the same. Riddle that out!

I can at least offer this: the guy that pees all over the bathroom floor (possibly under the influence of sink lettuce), whom we call Sir Pees a Lot, is the same individual as Sir Tokes a Lot and Sir Works at Work Lit Up a Lot. I'd like to confess that this individual passes three of someone we know's tests: Jewish, Ivy Degree, Wiener-related talent. Also, he is on this list!

Somebody be hitting that!
 

I will not leave you hanging out there alone, Kathleen!

I once had to pee in a jar in a small airport hanger. A friend was going to give me a ride in his Cessna, but was giving someone else a ride first. The ride was taking longer than expected and I had had a lot of coffee that morning. I had to go, but there I was, in this small building... I would have peed outside, but it was VAST OPEN LAND, with nary a security tree in sight and on top it of, small planes in the air. Yeah, that's what I want, to be seen from above while trying to hover so as not to trash my jeans. I peed in a jar inside, emptied the jar outside and then pitched the jar in the wastebasket. I never thought of peeing in the wastebasket!!!
 

I will not leave you hanging out there alone,

I believe this is a gender inappropriate comment.

Heavy night of drinking, long movie in the theater, 40 oz. empty bottle. That is all I am saying...
 

Hey fish! Thanks to Pinko, we now have the Freshette and can hang out with all of you guys!

So... did you whiz in the theatre?? In your popcorn bucket?
 

One of my brother Tickle's friends was rushing home to use the facilities. He got stuck at a railroad crossing behind a long train and yadda yadda yadda he needed a new pair of pants.

I believe this is what started the whole poop your pants for money bet.
 

I once wrote my friends name in the snow to get him in trouble with his g/f for being a pig.
 

Brando- Again, I'm now thinking your brother's nickname should be Tinkle.
 

I did say the 40 oz. was empty...
 

I have two:

I peed on Bob Casey's lawn in Scranton, PA. I was working in politics and he was the asshole responsible for Casey v. Planned Parenthood of SEPA a few years prior. I would have left my aborted fetus on his lawn but I didn't have his address then.

Better:

I went drinking at this dive bar in a shi-shi town in Fairfield Co., CT with my drunky friend. After a few martinis, I apparently went to the bathroom and flushed it too many times. Water started coming out onto the floor of the bar. When I realized, I grabbed my friend and left. We never told anyone.

The next day we drove by and saw that the bar was closed for three days because of plumbing and water damage.

Maybe a third:
I also saw UC pee once. It wasn't pretty.
 

If I did something like this it's unlikely I'd remember it the next day.
 

Peeing incidents? You don't have enough server space....

I do try and pee on the dog though. So far, she's been too quick for me.
 

BP, now that is funny.

Poor dog!
 

Taking orders for Peefessional Swag! NEXT OPRAH
 

Fraternity house doors while drunk, outside dark corner of a church while drunk, empty ice cream bucket for later freezing, thousands of bushes all over the world, in dark corners of The Mews at Georgetown while drunk on the way home, in a few sinks while drunk.

I doubt any of you were expecting any less and I will probably remember more later.
 

Chuckles, we already heard about the place in SF. That would be the place that you left your peefessional.
 

I know someone that peed on their bloody hand while drunk (UC knows this person).

And by "knows", he means "is".

Heavy night of drinking, long movie in the theater, 40 oz. empty bottle. That is all I am saying...

I'm really not interested in knowing anyone who DOESN'T have a story similar to this. Mine didn't involve the movies, but it definitely did involve drinking and an empty water bottle. Sometimes the bathroom is just so far, you know? However, when you go to your car the next morning and have that moment where you're like "is that a bottle of pee on the passenger side floor??"...that's a little unfortunate.
 

Oh, I and I peed in this one guy's salt water aquarium once. He was a pretentious prick who totally had it coming. The fish...well...collateral damage, break a few eggs to make an omelette, etc.
 

Oh yeah, I had forgotten that bathroom in San Francisco...one of my crowning acheivements in revenge. Peed on the fucking ceiling of that dump. What's even more amazing than that you ask? That I managed not to get any pee on me while I was jumping up and down to pee on the ceiling. And door knob. And sink, mirror, toilet paper, door, walls, soap dispenser, supplies of hand towels, etc.
 

Res, you did not. I can easily see your pee being that toxic, but jesus. Those poor fish.

I love how the dead fish are suggested to not be bugs but features of your plan, as if every day of their lives made a mockery of yours. Those bad boys needed to go.
 

The fish...well...collateral damage, break a few eggs to make an omelette, etc.

You better watch your back next time you go swimming in the ocean.

Solidarity my brothers.
 

St. Mark's square after a night of heavy drinking. It was either this lamppost or the pediment of the statue of St. Mark himself. Like Snag said, the more likely you are to have done it, the less likely you are to remember the details with precise clarity.